Friday, December 17, 2004

The Joy of Bowling

So, I have gotten a little feedback concerning my lack of writing about one of my other hobbies: bowling.

Something about bowling transforms me into a white trash, high school kid, which is more fun than it sounds. My bowling partner in crime, Andy, a lazy f*ck without a blog, and I like to be obnoxious, talk behind peoples' backs, and give them nicknames.

I bowl a men's league on Wednesday nights. This league is such a target rich environment. I remember commenting to Andy after the league meeting (which he didn't attend) at the beginning of the year, "It's even white trashier this year".

The uping of the white trash value of the league is primarily due to two phenomena: Mike and Rick.

I guess a little background is in order. Andy and I are quite snobs when it comes to having mechanically sound form when bowling. We love to belittle even the smallest imperfection we can find in someone's game.

So, Mike is a guy that gives the vibe he's suffered major head trauma. Not just because he's stupid, although his level of stupidity is astounding, but his head seems fairly misshapen and he wears his hair short forfeiting any opportunity to obfuscate the uniqueness of his cranium. He also likes to say "get 'er done" and sing Aerosmith songs.

When he bowls, he has this stupid hand action where he starts normally then during his backswing he rotates his hand around to the front of the ball and then back behind it just before delivery. That is stupid and unnecessary. The key in bowling is to minimize the number of variables in your physical game. He obviously has introduced a significant variable into his game with no redeeming traits.

For this, Mike has been bestowed the title of "Twisted Wrister".

Rick strikes me as a raging alcoholic whose body and mind quite sobering up some years ago. Rick is substantially overweight and doesn't have a nickname. Maybe that will change when his fat ass pops out of his sweatpants at the foul line. He seems to be closer to doing it every week.

While we are on the "get 'er done" theme, there is a team of really country guys. I guess they are decent guys for the most part, but growing up where I did, you are either country or have some resentment for country-ish traits. I fall into the latter category. Anyway, one night they were getting extra torn up off Coors Lite, yucking it up like nobody's business, when Andy turned to me said, "Jesus, it's like sitting next to a table of Jeff Foxworthys". The next week I referred to them as "Team Foxworthy" and it has stuck for a couple of years now.

I bowled a mixed league (men and women) a couple of years ago. That league also had its share of colorful characters.

There was this one guy, Nathan. Nathan was mentally slow, didn't respect others personal space, and while he was busy not respecting your personal space, he oozed a sexually threatening vibe. I described him to Andy once as "a sex crime waiting to happen". I think that is still one of Andy's favorites. One of my favorites was when Nathan came to bowling in red sweat pants that had something looking like nut stains on the ass.

Wally was another interesting character I met through bowling. I don't remember all the details of our first conversation, but I remember him mentioning "25 years in prison". I tried to not look uncomfortable, but I couldn't help but think this guy killed someone AND he planned it out before hand. Wally explained he was a cook at a prison for twenty-five years. I guess I had taken the bait. Wally was also cool because he was a pretty hefty guy and kind of weathered looking, but he often wore an oversize T-shirt with a female body in a bikini airbrushed on both sides. The humor in the contrast was not lost on me.

Other interesting things I have seen due to bowling:
  • A guy pass out at 4:30 PM because he sold blood to buy vodka and proceeded to drink it
  • The nastiest feet/toes I have ever seen on a live body
  • A world record being broken (highest three game series by a youth female)
  • Andy missing a 10-pin

Succumbing to Tech Savvy Trends

So, gus uped his hertz. This has caused me to reflect on the computers in my life. Here's a summary.

Home desktop - Dell 8250
  • Pentium 4 somewhere around 2.5 GHz
  • 512 MB of RAM
  • 80GB and 60GB hard drive

Home desktop 2 - Custom built from and (Note: I am in no way affiliated with these sites. I am just a satisfied customer turned evangelist.)
  • Athalon 64 (no clue on clock speed)
  • 1GB of RAM
  • 60GB IDE and 100GB Serial ATA

Work desktop - Dell Precision Workstation
  • Dual 2.0 GHz Xeon Processors
  • 1 GB of RAM
  • 80 GB hard drive

Work laptop - Dell latitude C840
  • Pentium IV 2.2 GHz
  • 1 GB of RAM
  • 60 GB hard drive

So why have I bored you with the specs of my computers? Because I am a dick. No, wait, it was to underscore my computational lust. You see, with all this processing power at my disposal, I am seriously considering buying another computer. Actually, a tablet pc to be more precise.

See, I am a single guy without loved ones (well, my dad and sisters), so if I want something cool for Christmas, I had better damn well buy it myself. So far, the leading candidate is the Toshiba M200, but I am still researching. So if either of my readers have experience with tablets, please give me your take.

The other "trend" I am close to succumbing to is podcasting. Well, I suppose I have partially succumbed already since I have been listening to podcasts for awhile, but I am considering going from podcast consumer to podcast producer by launching a fantasy football podcast. I wish I had started earlier in the season, but I am considering playing fantasy Arena Football in the spring, which would provide supplemental content while continuing to cover NFL offseason movements.

So, if anyone has any tips for starting podcasts or good web hosting providers, drop me a line. Can anyone point me to the breakout box Adam Curry uses for The Daily Source Code?

Okay, now I am really starting to digress, but it's my blog, damnit, and I will talk about what I want. For people that aren't listening to podcasts right now, I would suggest the following for a start:
  • The Daily Source Code - Pretty interesting. My first listen was severe deja vu. It took me back to a period when I believed MTV was cool, but I didn't hold it against Adam.
  • The Dawn and Drew Show - Goofy, fun, well produced, but still raw.
  • Coverville - Coverville is show that plays a lot of obscure cover songs. It didn't seem like something I would be into, but I gave it a listen and was completely taken aback. It also informed me that Ben Folds produced William Shatner's CD, which I thought was cool being a big Ben Folds fan and all. I suppose I should credit Adam as well, but I am turning into a big fan of the Lascivious Biddies. Coverville is a great show that should please music lovers and music snobs alike.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Things That Irritate Me

So, I don't have a lot of time but I am way overdue for a post. There are a ton of things that irritate me, so this may be my crutch topic when I need something to post about.

  1. My Roommate's Cat

    My roommate left his cat here while he went to see his family over Thanksgiving. He also left it with very little food. It had been irritating me more than usual, and Susan left me note saying it had no food. When I found the note Susan left, I already had decided that I was not running any more errands that evening, so I fed it a bowl of albacore. The next day, I went to Wal-Mart to get it some food. Words cannot describe how cool I felt wandering the aisles in Wal-Mart looking for cat food while being a single guy.

    I got home and fed the cat. I was hoping the cat would leave me the hell alone for awhile, but now she seemed to want my attention more than ever. It just goes to show my dad was right. "No good deed goes unpunished" he would tell me.

    Some people might say this cat is loveable, but I would call it high-maintenance and attention-starved.

  2. Content Quality vs. Content Quality

    Why is it that people whose content is shit just keep producing, while quality content providers release new material few and far between? I am sure some of you are saying "Well, it takes more time to produce quality content" and that is true. But f*ck off, I want to rant anyway.

    Locally, I have a few pathetic ambulance chasing lawyers that put out stupid, annoying content weekly. One of them is David Garrett, and his motto is "Call David Garrett. He'll know what to do." Wow, that's comforting. Why not "Call David Garrett. He is vaguely familiar with the process of settling a car accident"? I think if I were a lawyer (BRFFF, sorry, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit), I would want my motto to imply some sort of skill or competency in my given trade.

    Then there's Daniel and Conway. One of the lawyers looks like he scoured big and tall stores for Crockett-and-Tubbs-looking suits on clearance sometime after Miami Vice went off the air. Their demeanor is as repulsive as there apparel. There latest shows the Miami Vice guy continually throwing handfuls of pills in his mouth while speaking. And while he is speaking, his point is basically that he and his homie are the best ambulance chasers since they aren't diversifying into the class action drugs suits. Well, I am hella-impressed.

    Then we have charr. He is off to a great start with his blog, and everyone I have pointed to the eavesdrop post has loved it.

    Oh shit, he updated this week. He is ruining my argument. But hell there are other examples... It is left as an exercise to the reader to come up with them.

  3., or, or whoever the hell hosts my blog, doesn't support trackback.

    I think it would be cool to see who linked to my blog, if that were to happen. It would be cool to see the blogs that I have linked to.

Okay, so three things. This post sucks, and I guess I do, too.